What the hell am I supposed to be doing with my life?
I’ve got a lot of college debt in a degree that gets a lot of “oh so you can talk to dem dirty immagrints” kind of comments. It’s a degree that’s proven great for getting me into various customer service jobs that make me hate humanity.
I am very intelligent. I have a mind like a steal trap when it comes to everything except math (and then I have a disability). I know 2 other languages besides English, read grad history textbooks for fun and actually understand them, am teaching my husband English, and I think Medieval English is easy and medieval Spanish is more than easy.
My daughter is going to be one of the privileged few kids who will be Latina AND know her literary history. She will be reading Don Quixote, La Celestina, the writings of Santa Teresa, as well as whatever Chicano lit the feminists haven’t pissed in. She will learn Mexican history and American history, and will learn both dark sides of both countries.
Somehow, I still have no clue what to do. I would love to stay at home longer, educating my own kids until they’re old enough to go to school. I would love to have a job…but all it seems I am worth is as a faceless lady that people too dumb to know what “web browser”means get to scream at for no reason.
I’m also a hard worker. I have worked on farms, in offices, in schools with autistic kids. I am thrifty. I’m 26, and I’ve already got most of my canning done. My husband hunts for a lot of our food and I am used to using a hand crank to make burger, and I know how to store the meat.
I know people still in college that don’t even know how to do their laundry. Canning is something people did in WWII and what the hell is freezer paper anyway?
And now, I’ve got a gallbladder that needs to be sucked out and no freaking insurance. I’m told to get on whatever trendy, already failing facet of fetal Obama care there is, or find a job that has an insurance shitting unicorn raining glitter everywhere.
One, Obama care is a crapshoot for various reasons. One of which is being informed that as I am so poor I can’t pay for insurance I will be fined for being too poor for insurance which will make me poorer, and too poor for the insurance I will be fined for…
Two, a job you say?
OMG TIDDLYWINKS! I did not think of that! I’ve been searching for a job for months. The problem is, no employer will take you while pregnant. Women’s liberation only helped women who acted like men- being pregnant still apparently means you become a disgusting mentally ill thing to be hidden away. How dare you show off that you are a woman and not in fact a more effeminate male!
The problem with finding a job is that because the insurance being forced upon businesses is too expensive to be sustainable for full time workers, the hours are being cut and so is the pay. So the best I can hope for is 20 hours per week, hopefully at 10.00 USD per hour. Which seems great until you figure in that I have to pay gas to drive 30 minutes one way to work, and that some places like to give you two hours one day and ten hours the next. And still no insurance.
Figure in things like grocery and oh I don’t know HEALTHCARE, and I am actually losing money by getting a job.
And no, I am not on government assistance, in case snarky pampered 30 something’s want to know.
At the moment, I can’t move to another state where the economy is 5%less shitty.
What the hell am I supposed to do to make money? Enter another soul sucking, back destroying customer service job? Yay! Nothing says “kill me now” ever so eloquently as sticking someone in a cubicle for 16 hours straight, making breaks so strict and short you can’t feasibly leave your desk even to pee, and cutting lunch so short you eat very little due to time constraints (urination needs to happen at some point).The kicker? Being a college grad who worked her ass off, speaks 3 languages, and is not or ever will be described as lazy getting passed up for hire by a lazy high school grad who got in because he “knows” Spanish. Can he read it? Barely. Write it? Lol, jajaja, no. Speak it? Comprehend it? Maybe if you add a lot more Spanglish and a lot less, actual, y’know…Spanish.
I should write a book. If Stephanie Meyer can write the longest fanfic ever and get paid…maybe my craptastic skills will serve me well…