What They Tell You

Most amazing corn on the cob recipe ever: Elotes

You will need:
Lots of shucked corn, or unshucked if you want to heat it right on the grill
Queso Oaxaca (smells like a farm tastes like paradise)
Mayonnaise
Or Butter
Cayenne pepper (ground. Look for the bright red color- that means its fresher.)

Boil or cook the elotes.
Grate some Oaxaca cheese in the meantime.
When the elotes are done, sprinkle queso all over the corn and add squirt able butter. Top with cayenne pepper for some oomph.

Or

When the elotes are done, slather in mayo, sprinkle the queso, and add whatever you like on top, or nothing more.

I used to think the Japanese had the best recipe for corn on the cob ever. Then I met my husband. Mexico wins!

On to my post!

What They Will Tell You

“They” meaning everything from your school teacher, to your parents, to the government and its media, to random people in stores and streets everywhere- will tell you a lot of things. I got married at 25.

I was told that I was giving up my life, especially if I didn’t use birth control. I was told that somehow, meeting the love of my life and starting a journey with him wouldn’t be as exciting as living in another country.

What many people didn’t know is that I had already lived in another country. They also never consider that I could do this weird thing called “moving with my family to a new country”. Maybe Americans really are rather insular.

The day I set foot in Japan was a pretty exciting time. It was NOTHING compared to taking the first step down the aisle to become a life long companion to my husband, come what may. And that was nothing compared to seeing a positive pregnancy test, or the day I finally had contractions and out came my sweet pea.

The warnings became even more dire after I got married. Just like when I decided not to have sex before marriage, suddenly what should have been private became everybody’s business. “Children will ruin your marriage!” “You aren’t old/mature enough to have children!” “Wait until your debt is paid!” Never mind that I was a college graduate, that my loans will optimistically be paid about when I’ve reached menopause if I am lucky, and judging by more than a few people who waited until their late thirties to have children I’m actually quite mature.

“They” will tell you all sorts of things, most of which are ignorant conjectures.

Let ME tell you something.

Living in Japan was like the first time you take a dip in an inland lake- it’s gorgeous, cozy, a little frightening if you’re not prepared for some of the creatures you might see, and beautiful.

Getting married is like taking a dip in Lake Michigan for the first time- the waves look so huge and high, your ears are filled with rushing noise, its exhilarating and yet you tremble a little because its very scary. There’s undertow that can suck you out past the pier, as many others have had happen to them. But if you don’t swim like an idiot and don’t panic you did that this type if lake is even more fun than the inland lake!

Conceiving and giving birth to a baby is like the ocean. The waves are even higher, even more powerful, even more majestic. It’s louder, scarier, faster, and fills you with a wild joy that makes you grin like you’ve lost your mind.

I’m not saying that everybody should go out and get married and have children as quick and as young as possible. I met my husband when I was 19-20. Within three months of dating we knew we wanted to get married. But instead of impulsively planning a wedding we set a few goals and decided to discern if that was a good idea for us. We were engaged for 5 years. I don’t recommend waiting quite that long for marriage, but it worked for us. I wish people would think beyond the pretty wedding to the rest of your natural life but before jumping into marriage.

What I am saying is to shut out the voice of a culture that is infinitely selfish. “You can’t have that baby, you’ll never get an education, success, money, respect, career. So make that appointment before those disappear. You’re not good enough to be a mother. It’s me, your boyfriend/husband or that fetus- I will even pay!” That is whispered or shouted all the time and I can tell you it’s all lies.

I have incest in my genetic pool probably about two or three generations back. I am a survivor of abuse (no sexual abuse thanks be to God). I was conceived by a young woman and a young man where neither of them was mature enough or ready to be starting a family and I most certainly was not planned or wanted. I don’t know the details, but somebody talked my mother out of an abortion. (God bless that somebody).

By everything Western culture tells me, I should have been dismembered and sucked away, or burnt with chemicals, before I had even drawn my first breath. My humanity should never have been recognized, and neither should have the humanity of relatives who survived incest. But I dare anyone to walk up to my husband and tell him his world would be better with me dead, and his daughter never having existed. I dare someone to walk up to my best friend and tell her that her life would have been better if I hadn’t have been there to yank her out of the way of a drunk driver who nearly hit us while walking home. I dare someone to walk up to my husband and tell him that he, his sister, and his little brother should all have been aborted because they all have different dads, that his sister never should have married and had a beautiful son. I dare someone to walk up to his mom and tell her that she was too young to be having kids and she should have “gotten rid” of them. I’m pretty sure the normally sweet woman would go mama bear and rip your throat out Mortal Kombat style from what I’ve seen of her.

If I had a choice, I probably would have chosen better parents for myself. But I am much happier alive than dead- and yes, I’ve even been suicidal at a few points in my life. I can honestly say the only reason I was suicidal was because I felt unloved. It wasn’t until I learned that there were people living and dead that loved me that I was able to live again.

My point is don’t let other people, thoughts, or culture dictate how you live your life. Most milestones are arbitrary. I can honestly say that while there’s times when it’s less ideal to have kids there’s also no time when it is ideal. Same with marriage. Some people do things the harder way- they meet a guy, they have sex, they panic when the pee stick makes a plus sign. Some do things a slightly easier way.

I’ve been through a lot and honestly the biggest factor in determining whether or not you enjoy life is how you look at success. People scoff at me. I’m highly educated, but very materially poor. But look at all I do have! A happy daughter, a happy loving husband, in laws that I can actually like! I have friends that I don’t get to see often but when we’re back together we are cracking jokes and being our snarky selves like no time has passed at all. I get snuggles every morning and nap time and give kisses all the time.

Some people have looked at me and said “you’re *only* a stay at home mom. All you do is take care of a house and baby all day.” I look at them and think “You’re only an advertiser. When you come home late at night nobody else is there. There’s no freshly cooked food on the table and everything is silent, there’s nobody to laugh and joke with you about your day. All you have is money, and ramen.”

As for the “don’t start a family young” or the boogie man will get you thing goes, I’m glad I started when I did. I still have lots of energy that instead of wasting it on getting wasted, I’m spending it on raising a kid. I’m fairly sure either way I’m just as sleep deprived as a partier.

March to the beat of your own drummer and if it helps, flash the bird at anyone who thinks they can make you conform.

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