Falsehoods, falsehoods everywhere!

Waking up to see my daughter’s smile is the best part of my day. Watching her learn and exposing her to new stuff is 100 times more rewarding than any other thing I have done. I love my little snuggle buddy, with her daddy’s eyes and chipmunk cheeks, and her laser like focus when she’s trying her hardest to get her hands to do what her mind commands.

Funny how having a kid changes the way you look at things. The things people are being taught are terrible. Women are “liberated” by grinding up against some guy while sticking their tongue out because apparently chicken butt, a terrible haircut, and looking like you’re having a seizure made up of equal parts stupid and awkward is “sexy”. “Real men” let a woman simulate sex on stage with them and sing about date rape and NOBODY bats an eye.

Before I had a baby I would have just rolled my eyes. Now I feel a little sick to my stomach, because this is the culture my kids will be raised in. My husband and I are going to have to work our asses off to teach our boys to respect women no matter what, and we are going to have to teach our girls to respect themselves in a culture that sees them as highly advanced male masturbation toys.

Awesome. Just great. Sigh.

Morals aside, I also want to teach my kids, especially my daughters, all about the human body. I specifically want to teach about the reproductive system because it is AWESOME! Unfortunately, there’s a lot of unscientific lies flying around.

For example, apparently some “feminists” believe there is no hymen, and that it can’t be broken. Yes, yes there is a hymen, and without going into an awkward amount of details I personally know that it can be broken. Some women may not have a hymen. Some women do. Some women barely have a hymen, and some women have a hymen that is very thick.

Speaking of the hymen, its also a lie that it’s all the woman’s fault if it hurts during her first few times having sex. As a 25 year old virgin, I googled to see what to expect on my wedding night. When websites weren’t claiming hymens don’t exist, they were claiming hymens only hurt if you aren’t well lubricated, excited, happy, confident, etc. Virgin ladies out in Internet land, your hymen may or may not hurt, or it may hurt a little or a lot. Don’t accept the usual claptrap that its all the frigid woman’s fault (or that the man isn’t a skillful lover) for something your anatomy is designed to do. Mine hurt like a bitch, and trust me I was all those things +100.

Beyond the hymen, have you ever tried doing a search for information about the menstrual cycle? So. Much. Bullshit.

Lies I learned:

-You can get pregnant any time during your cycle.

-You can get pregnant during your period.

-You can’t know when ovulation is, but it usually happens in the 14th day of your cycle.

-(on the same site that said you couldn’t know your ovulation) your period will happen 14 days after ovulation.

-Condoms protect against STD’s.

The actual truth?

-You can only get pregnant if ovulation occurs, and if the sperm reaches the egg during ovulation. There are lots and lots of women that struggle with infertility and know they need to time sex for the best chances of getting pregnant.

-You can’t get pregnant on your period. You can’t menstruate and ovulate at the same time. That’s like saying you can breathe water just like air, or move forwards at the same time you move backwards. HOWEVER you can have an early ovulation, or a nice vaginal environment for sperm to survive until an ovulation that is earlier than anticipated. It’s UNLIKELY that sperm from your activities during menstruation will survive until ovulation (taking into account the number of days as well as the inhospitable environment of the vagina during that time) but there’s a tiny possibility of it happening. But it’s highly, highly unlikely.

-You can know when ovulation is occurring. Predicting ovulation is difficult, but by paying attention to your body’s cues you can know when it is happening and plan accordingly. Things like cervical mucous, cervical position, sensations, or even ovulation pain (and in my case, food cravings) can give you little warning signs when it’s coming up. Ovulation predictor kits are also a tool you can add on. I prefer Clear Blue Digital ones. They confirm what I often suspect.

-Ovulation happens some time after menstruation. That could be on the 10th day of your cycle (unlikely, but it happens) or it could be on the 16th. Or it could be on the 24th day of your cycle. Every woman is different. Even cycles within the same woman can fluctuate (mine do!). Menstruation can happen anywhere from 10-16 days after ovulation (this point in time is called a luteal phase) depending on the woman. My point is- all women are different. Oh and you can have a 28 day cycle and not ovulate on the 14th day. You can also have a 20 day cycle.

-Condoms protect against STD’s like pulling out prevents conception. No seriously, look at the numbers. They both work about 30% or less of the time, and that’s with perfect use rates. That is also with ignoring what happens when you up the number of times you rely on these forms of birth control to hopefully not pick up the gift that keeps on giving. Think of it like a lotto ticket. If you buy one ticket, your chances are low. Buy 10, they increase. Buy 100 and your chance of winning increases even more. Only instead of a lotto ticket you’re playing for AIDS. Also, condoms do diddly squat for things like herpes. Diddly piddly squat.They were meant to prevent conception, and they barely do a good job at that, so why are we buying the lie that they can protect us against humiliating and life threatening diseases?

Using a (brand new, not expired, quality made) condom to prevent AIDS and other STD’s is like using a chihuahua to guard your house…after you’ve left the door open- in a bad neighborhood.

People need to educate their kids. Even their boys. Which leads me to the most annoying lie of all:

“Sex/how a woman’s body works is a great big mysterious mystery!”

On the liberal side of the political belief spectrum, you get that lie because whatever happens, YOU NEED TO USE CONDOMS AND BIRTH CONTROL! Rather than using actual facts and the truth about birth control, it’s much more easy to scare people into using it with peer pressure and flat out lies.

On the conservative side often political belief spectrum, you get that lie because whatever happens, you MUST scare people into behaving morally. So rather than teach the truth it’s much easier to scream OMG YOU CAN GET PREGNANT BECAUSE WOMEN’S BODIES BE CRAY CRAY!

Both sides put out (heh) the idea that women’s bodies are big scary mysteries that only authority figures can even guess at. If you talk with people that deep down think sex is dirty (well it is but that isn’t a bad thing…humans are messy in general) you’ll get the added on lie that even attempting to know this information is “dangerous” morally or ethically.

Want to have fun? Tell a group of religiously conservative ladies who practice NFP that you plan on teaching your daughter NFP (including fertile and infertile times) as she grows into a woman. “Oh Noes! She could use that info to engage in premarital sex without the threat of a baby!”

1. If, God forbid, my daughter were to have sex before marriage with some random pimply faced idiot, I sincerely hope she doesn’t conceive. Babies were never meant to be punishments, although they are the natural effect of having sex. I would hope my daughter would quit premarital sex before she ends up having to become a mommy.

2. Seriously? I think it’s a lot easier to just go out and buy a condom or get birth control behind my back. If kids are going to be irresponsible teenagers, I can’t see them putting in the effort to chart their temps every morning, feel their cervix, check their mucous, and use an ovulation predictor kit all to have some awkward teenage sex. It wasn’t that long ago I was a teenager. I’m 100% sure I’d have said “Screw it, Walmart has condoms.”

Now, if you really want to catch some flame, find those same NFP Christian ladies and tell them you plan on also educating any boys you have. “OMG you’re stealing the boys’ innocence! Women’s bodies are a mystery! You’re taking the almighty mystery out of sex, you sick monster! He could grow up to be a pervert!” And don’t forget, if I teach my boys NFP they might teach their girlfriends and then it’s baby free sexy sinning time!

1. I’m mostly sure that a girlfriend who gets a lecture about NFP from my son will not want his virginity or any of his sex. In fact, a lot of teenage girls having sex will do the exact opposite of sex. Nothing will make them run faster than a boy asking about their cervical mucous, which they will most likely know nothing about anyway. I find it sexy that my husband wants to know but i I could go back to me at 15 I’d have been deeply entrenched in the “eeew female bodies are disgusting” fallacy.

2. “Mystery” about sex should be about 2 people who love each other so much that they will share with each other what no other person will get to have. It should be about profound love. It should be a beautiful, physical, and spiritual union of two souls. That is mystery. It should not be about being ignorant of how their wife’s body works out of some misguided sense of propriety with a dash of sexism. Besides, are male gynos then just a bunch of perverts?

People- get educated, and then teach your kids! God did not make humans ugly or bad. He made us body and spirit. So please embrace the knowledge of how our bodies work. Learn the truth and stick up for it. Don’t be vulgar but don’t pretend that using the formal terms and being direct means that you’re shameful. Call a penis a penis, a vagina a vagina, and teach that breasts’ primary purpose is to nourish a baby, not fulfill a sexual fetish.

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